Discipline: Smaller Than You Think
This is a blog-series on the idea of discipline. Discipline solidified its place in my life during the years I competed as a professional golfer. Since then, I’ve begun to realize how crucial discipline is for living an honorable life, for living a life worthy of the calling to which we've been called. Because of my growing belief in this necessity, I created an 8-week online course titled: Never Settle | Developing Discipline. I’d be honored to have you join this journey alongside me as we each strive to instill discipline as a part of our being.
Why do we always want the full pie all at once?
I don't know about you, but this time of year my sweets-intake steadily rises, beginning in late November with Thanksgiving feasts and crescendoing at the end of the year with as many Christmas goodies as my heart can hold. These delicious treats and tasty morsels are so sweet to the tongue yet they often leave our stomachs with a bitter resting place, causing aches, pains, discomfort, and eventually producing some sort of sugar-induced coma, with a sugar-hangover to boot!
When it comes to these indulgences, I'm just as much of a sucker for them as anyone else (just ask my wife). For some reason, I feel the need (sometimes by unconscious compulsion...does the word 'addict' ring a bell?) to transform my human body into that of a pig and stuff my face full of these decadent deserts. What always shocks me is the after-effect, when I finally realize I'm compulsively snarfing down the food, I begin to feel the growing discomfort in my gut. The shocking truth behind this unhealthy habit is: it promises more enjoyment than it brings, and it robs us of the moment-to-moment happiness these treats can truly bring.
This is the way we are wired—to want the whole pie right now, not one slice at a time.
Eating a pie (or fill-in-the-blank desert) is meant to be done, not just one slice at a time, but one bite at a time... and discipline is too.
Origins To Present Day
We all remember the chastisement we felt from our parents when a few pieces of candy turned into half the bag. We would pay the price later with the stomach-ache that ensued, but it was so worth it in the moment to keep indulging in those dangerously delicious Skittles. As kids, we naturally thought that if something is good (tastes good, feels good, looks good, etc.) then obviously more of that something is even better. This is where the role of parent comes in, to provide the necessary boundaries and rules to help us understand this isn't always true in life.
The older we get, the more we begin to realize that, in fact, the opposite is more often true than our instinctual desires. Having less is more. Indulging fewer times makes the indulgence even sweeter. Being able to control our desires is better for us than being controlled by them.
These are lessons that don't naturally come to us, but they add up over time through experiencing the consequences of being led by our desires. Once we begin to grow in awareness of this process in life, then we're faced with the moment of reckoning, the time when we must change our ways.
Change is always hard, especially if we have become addicted to certain bad habits or impulses. Every single human has addictions and some are better than others. The ultimate goal is to become addicted to the right things, to the things that produce health, joy, and happiness for us, while also serving and benefiting those around us. These are the golden habits that create lives well-lived. But, like the pie mentioned above, these are not meant to be had all at once. The way they are achieved is by taking small bites, one at a time.
If we are to be successful at changing our ways, at becoming addicted to the right things, at developing discipline around our choices and actions each and every day, we must begin with a baby step, not some giant leap.
“Success is a few simple disciplines, practiced every day; while failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day.” — Jim Rohn
The Wrong Way
So often we learn what not to do before learning what to do. In the example of holiday treats, I have had to learn many-a-time that unconsciously following my sweet-tooth into a gorging of desserts is not a healthy practice and won't produce the results I'm looking for in any way, shape, or form.
This is similarly true for us in forming discipline and creating healthy habits in place of not so healthy ones. We approach this process with a burst of momentary inspiration, spurring us to make bold proclamations of some new resolution we are committed to and some lofty regiment we are beginning "this very day!" This is an example of us trying to shortcut that process of change and jump to the tenth step down the road instead of just taking a single step today.
When we try to make giant leaps forward, our progress is either going to falter, burnout, or collapse. In taking a shortcut to arrive at that tenth step, we arrive at a destination we aren't fully prepared to reach because we haven't taken the time and effort to walk the necessary nine steps to get there. This leads to us experiencing some sort of fallout that often harms both us and those around us.
When we arrive at this figurative tenth step without the normal journey of nine steps before, we arrive at a destination we over-glorified, and quickly realize that there is always something beyond a destination, there is always more. If we hadn't planned on what was to come after, then this moment of realization may produce a deep despair from a lack of fulfillment that the destination gave.
The other danger in taking shortcuts or attempting giant leaps forward comes in the inevitable burnout and potential digression that can ensue. Sustainability isn't sexy, but without a sustainable process of growth, you will continue to build on a shaky foundation, often leading to a collapse or a downward spiral, going the opposite direction originally intended.
Eating the whole pie at once is the wrong goal; it's the wrong way to go.
Discipline is not an overnight journey. In fact, there is no "destination" called discipline. It is just a process we get to enjoy, and not making it more than that is going to be key.
“Celebrating small steps triggers more dopamine than saving it all up for one big achievement.” — Loretta Graziano Breuning
Smaller Than You Think
Developing discipline is a much simpler process than you might think. It is committing to the daily pursuit of taking a baby step forward in following what you are committed to instead of what you feel like doing during the ebbs and flows of life.
Discipline doesn't happen in a giant leap. Discipline doesn't happen by taking shortcuts. Discipline doesn't even happen by eating the pie faster than someone else. Discipline happens by focusing on the next bite. And then the next one. And then the bite after that.
We all want the "secret to success," the "magic blueprint" for our lives, the "silver bullet" for all our hopes and dreams. These don't exist. And even if they did, we don't want them. They won't deliver on their promises.
But, discipline will.
It always does.
And it will always require smaller steps than you think.
Thus, we must shift our focus away from the length of the step and toward the consistency of the step. Regardless of how big or small the step may be, every single day we have the ability to take one. That is our task. This is our duty.
