Show Up and Pay Attention: A Mantra For Our Modern Day
“Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.” — Mary Oliver
I don't know about you, but I have a hard time paying attention.
I don't mean to say I struggle with ADHD, and no, I don't spend what I consider to be an egregious amount of time staring at my phone each day (always debatable, as my daily average hovers between 2-3 hours... a day...).
What I'm talking about is my struggle with the simple discipline of being aware of the moment I'm living in.
Take, for example, grocery shopping. Last night I went to the store to grab some ingredients for a delicious chili recipe my wife and I were going to make. As I headed out the door I instinctively reached for my AirPods and popped the right one in. From the moment I stepped out of the house until I got home, I was tuned into Open, a riveting audiobook on the life of Andre Agassi.
Now, is there anything wrong with multitasking? Is there anything wrong with habit-stacking (doing something I enjoy paired with something I don't enjoy as much)? By no means am I going to cast judgment on myself, or on you for that matter, for living such typical lives in the 21st century. Here's the challenge though, I paid zero attention to the hundreds of other humans that were in the grocery store alongside me. In fact, outside of the two men working the register, I don't think I actually looked at anyone for the entire hour I spent in the store.
As I reflect, it seems to me this is just one microcosm of a bigger question, which is: Am I really paying attention at all throughout my day? Or am I merely checking things off my to-do list and getting by?
From Big Picture To Current Reality
One of the best books I've read in the last few years is Neil Postman's classic work: Amusing Ourselves to Death. In it, he argues that the invention and integration of television into society at large has created a lack of ability to think for ourselves, let alone pay attention to what we're experiencing throughout our days. Pair the medium of television with the power of portable supercomputers and suddenly we've experienced a seismic shift in how we interact with our world and live our lives.
That is the macro-view of what we're facing, but if we return to the micro-reality of each day, how often do we resort to getting by? To just getting through this meeting, or making it to lunch break, or finally unplugging at 5pm (if we're lucky)?
There are plenty of reasons or even justifications we can point to for why we default to this posture, and I'm sure I've used all of them alongside you. The question I'm sitting with today is: What would happen if we did a better job of paying attention? Or, maybe even before that: How do we enable ourselves to pay attention in the first place?
Trading Up
If we're going to be able to see those we interact with at the grocery store, if we're going to have our heads up and eyes open to the little moments of connection or need in everyday life, I think we have to make a conscious effort to trade up.
What I mean by that is a simple exchange of this for that. An exchange that increases our value and our enjoyment in the mundane of every day. Namely, the exchange of "getting by" for "showing up."
Showing up. That's my novel idea!
I know, I know, it couldn't be more basic, but that's why there is power in the shift.
Showing up is a posture everyone can carry each and every day. You don't have to be as strong as The Rock, as smart as Bill Gates, or as powerful as the President. You simply have to bring to mind the small, microscope shift of approach, implanting the idea to show up in the small moments of your day.
Maybe it's when you're brushing your teeth in the morning, maybe it's when you first put your feet on the ground in getting out of bed, maybe it's a part of your morning routine paired with that first cup of coffee, or maybe it's a sticky-note you leave in your car that helps you reconnect with the idea in the midst of all the moving pieces each day brings. Whatever it is, the payoff is much greater than the effort needed to produce it.
So... how can I show up today?
What Comes Next
You see, the power isn't in the mantra itself, but in what comes next. When we just show up, miracles can happen.
I first latched onto this phrase when I was mentoring with Good City Mentors. The founder, my friend Brian Larrabee, would always encourage the mentors to just show up. That's all he was asking of us. And in doing just that, week after week, we slowly began to see the power in as small of an effort as that.
Through consistently showing up for others, the high schoolers began opening up about their reality and the challenges they faced. In their authenticity and vulnerability, we mentors began to open up in return. What ensued was a mutually life-giving process of support between both mentees and mentors being seen, heard, and connected to a greater vision of who we all could be. This simple act of showing up was repaid in full by the gift of lessons and empathy from those we were meant to be serving. More times than not, our mentor team would leave feeling like we received more support and encouragement than we could have possibly given. A powerful experience of how showing up can produce a compounding effect.
So often we complicate things and get lost in the complexity of our world or even our lives. We think we have to crack the code that Ghandi, Mother Theresa, or other well-known saints must have figured out in order to bring impact or meaning to our spheres of influence. The more we wade in the complexities of it all, the less action we take and the more resistance to any action we face.
The only way we can make a meaningful difference is by having the courage to take a step even if we're not fully ready to. That step can be as small as reminding yourself of the leading question: How can I show up today?
Because by showing up, fully engaged with what today has to bring, we also begin to do a better job of paying attention. And in paying attention, we become better neighbors to those we brush shoulders with during the mundanity of our lives.
It really doesn't take a lot, but it has the potential to give more than you could fathom.
I hope you'll join me in working toward showing up and paying attention. I believe we'll all be better for it.
“Tell me what you pay attention to and I will tell you who you are.” — José Ortega y Gasset
