My Word Of The Year: An Honest Reflection
Warning: this is less of a polished blog post and more of an inner dialogue. It’s me letting you into the messy process on the way to figuring out how I feel about my 2022 word of the year (courage) and what may be ahead for me in 2023 (renewal).
This past year, the word I carried with me was "courage."
I'd love to share a bit of my process here in how I've been thinking about the idea after holding onto it for much of 2022. To begin, what better way to think about an idea than through metaphor?
Courage is like an aspen growing in a grove all on its own.
Courage is like taking a step forward even though you don't know where the next step might take you.
Courage is hearing all of your emotions screaming at you and acting in spite of them.
Courage is doing what you know you need to do even when your ego is at stake.
Courage is refusing to accept self-inflicted guilt.
Courage is choosing to show up as your messy self instead of not showing up at all.
Where does courage flow from?
I think it's safe to say that courage doesn't come from the head. If it were up to our brains we would hardly ever choose the courageous path… at least that's what I'm inclined to think. Our brains are too rational! (Despite the internet, cults, or crazy aunts indicating otherwise.)
When there is risk or danger involved, taking cautionary action (or inaction) is the logical move. But if we move down into our hearts, into the core of our being, there is a place that comes alive when the idea of courage is mentioned. The heart speaks to who we are deep within. It calls to the pulse of our very essence. It also connects us to our fellow beings. These ideas are unconsciously known in culture and everyday life with the phrases we instinctively use: "don't you have a heart?", "take heart," "that was a heartless move," "they just wear their heart on their sleeve."
In many ways, the heart signifies the whole of the body, speaking to our literal and physical existence. With the common elements of mind, body, and soul, it becomes clear that the body encapsulates the heart which can be seen as the epicenter of where our courage flows from. In a simple sense, this could be because it has the most to lose! Isn't that what courage is all about? Taking action in spite of what could be lost?
Even though courage was the word I wanted to hold onto this past year, there were many times I felt pretty lousy at it and unworthy of claiming any piece of what could be called courage. In reflecting, I do think I grew in courage but I'm not sure it was due to any intentional effort on my own part. It felt more like a byproduct of taking on greater responsibility and coming to terms with more future unknowns. Things like buying a house at the height of the housing market, leaning into the work of building a business without a track record to prove its merit, choosing to hit pause on a community that was no longer helpful, raising a hand to say "I need help," even when it feels like admitting you're a failure.
Courage is hard to define, easy to describe, and somewhat vague to train for. Sure there are physical ways to train courage, especially in light of those careers which entail the necessary task of running into the flames, at times quite literally. Yet, for the average Joe or Jane out there like myself, what goes into "training" courage? As I mentioned in the blog post that began 2022, part of this renewed focus on courage stems from the story of Shantaram. Using the main character of the novel as an illustration, I think there are some clues that can help us unpack and better understand the elements of growing our courage.
In Shantaram's story, there were clear conditions and postures that helped him embody and portray, albeit imperfectly, what heart-led courage is all about:
Conditions that set the stage:
-- A clear change of identity
-- A chance for redemption
-- Living a dangerous life where the need for courage is tangible and ever-present
Postures:
-- Knowing what you don't want to be
-- Being okay with mortality / accepting the nature of mortality
-- Knowing you won't get it right 100% of the time
-- Trusting your gut and dealing with what comes
-- Answering the call when it comes (action vs. inaction)
What does it look like in everyday life?
I think it often shows up more internally than it does externally. In one sense, courage is so specific to the individual. What may feel courageous to one person may be the opposite to another. It has a highly subjective nature from the internal sense. Externally there is more objectivity that can be agreed upon, yet the feeling of courage can be shared regardless of the outer experiences or results.
I think the simplest way to describe it is: living from your heart in a way that serves others. It's important to underscore that the benefit must be for the other or else the actions become self-serving, ego-inflating, and possibly even narcissistic.
What leads to more of it?
If we kept the simplistic theme moving forward, I'd say: living and leading with your heart.
While this sounds simple, it can be a real challenge. So much of our western world is focused on rational, logical processing that centers around the head, valuing the mind above all else. When our energy is spent on the mind, there's little left for the body or the heart to process. (Guilty.)
After rereading my post on courage from the beginning of last year, there is a piece of me that was shocked by how well I articulated it then, with how unclear I lived it out this past year. What strikes me in that realization is what it tells me about the idea behind “words of the year” in and of themselves. While initially they can be thought of as a resolution-replacement, it seems more honest to think about them as a reinforcing reminder, as a place to find power, strength, solace, and comfort in the moments of need throughout the year ahead. Less of a goal and more of a refuge.
Yes, that's it: word of the year as a refuge. We need a cleft in the rock to hide us from the storm. We need a piece of solid ground to stand on when all else is sinking around us. We need comfort, solace, encouragement, and a place to just be.
For me, this year's refuge is the idea of renewal.
Renewal denotes a beginning again, a refreshing, a rejuvenating of what was into what will be.
I don't have much more of a sense than that, and I think that's a good thing. Maybe I need to be open to the simple truth that this word is a gift meant to comfort and encourage me along the way in 2023. And that is enough... it has to be.
