CHANGE, Reminder #4 - Change Is Neutral
“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” — Seneca
We have been on a journey of facing and embracing change well. To do this, a series of reminders are used as tools to keep us journeying forward successfully. So far, we’ve been reminded that: 1) cornerstone habits help us stay grounded when everything else seems to be shifting; 2) extending grace to yourself and others is especially important in times of change; and 3) we must strive to replace our default tendency of operating out of fear and assumption with the intention of operating out of love and belief.
These three reminders have all been geared towards helping us cope with change when we experience it, but what they fail to address is the core premise of what we are in fact dealing with—change itself.
The fourth reminder we need deals specifically and explicitly with this experience we call “change,” and it is a reminder that can unlock our ability to not just cope with change, but truly embrace it, if we so choose.
Reminder #4: Change itself is a neutral reality, what we do with it is the result that can be either good or bad.
Neutrality Is Often Overlooked
One of the evolutionary tendencies we have as human beings is assigning value to things in which there is no value found. The case subject I would like to highlight today is the beloved doughnut.
The doughnut is a modern-day phenomenon that is often simultaneously considered one of the greatest foods of all time by one portion of the population, while another segment of the population would consider it an addictive food that leads to diabetes, obesity, and other unwanted conditions. What both camps fail to see is that the doughnut is just a doughnut. The doughnut has a neutrality to it that both sides fail to see.
Each one of us invariably falls into one of the aforementioned camps (unless you don’t like doughnuts, and in that case you are just weird). The camp in which you fall into will largely determine how you view the doughnut: whether you see it as objectively good or obviously bad. These predispositions make the object (said doughnut) have a value—a determined rightness or wrongness—that the object never really deserved. What it is is simply a doughnut: sugar, dough, and maybe some other type of flavoring. These ingredients put together do not warrant a value, either given or taken away, from their simple reality. The value is what we add to it as individuals, and it is based on our own values and ideals not on an objective value derived by the object itself.
The simple point is this: many objects, experiences, or ideas have value assigned to them when they are inherently neutral.
This is as true of doughnuts as it is of change.
Like doughnuts, change itself is a neutral reality. What you do with it is the result that can be assigned worth and value.
Make It Simple
This idea can be heady and it can feel technical in nature, but I promise you it has a simple outcome we can all benefit from. The reason why this reminder is important is because it gives us permission to use it how we choose.
Understanding that change is neutral (like a doughnut) allows us to make an empowered choice on how we are going to use it.
By seeing that the doughnut is a neutral object, we can make a decision to either eat said doughnut (because it would taste yummy, bring us pleasure, and give us a short burst of sugar-energy), or we can choose to not eat said doughnut (because it is just dough and sugar and we don’t need it right now and it doesn’t do anything more than momentary pleasure for a moment). Both of the actions we take have value added to them, but the doughnut itself remains neutral the entire time. Because of this, we are able to operate not out of guilt or shame, or out of compulsion and addiction, but rather out of choice and empowerment.
Understanding neutrality helps us realize we have a choice. We get to choose how we use it, either for our benefit or to our detriment.
The same is true for change.
Remember, Remember, Remember
Why are cliches annoying? Because they are so true, and they are so simple.
Actions speak louder than words.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
You can’t judge a book by its cover.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
etc. etc.
We need cliches in life because the simplest truths are often the ones we need reminded of most. We forget simple truths when faced with a deluge of information and noise. We lose sight of foundational realities when we chase the novel, new, and unexpected.
This reminder is not novel, new, or enlightened. It is simple and, as a result, powerful.
Remembering that change is neutral is a practice we will likely need on a daily basis. It’s a practice that I need on a daily basis, especially now.
Coming into 2020, I knew that change was going to be a major theme in my life this year. I knew I would be getting married, moving to a new city/state, and developing a new community and life as a family instead of an individual. These were all major changes, and COVID wasn’t even on my radar at that point. Knowing the changes that awaited, I felt led to choose “ADVENTURE” as my 2020 Word of the Year to serve as a simple reminder that change is neutral. If only my foresight was always that good...
Change can be scary, uncomfortable, intimidating, chaotic, unscripted, sporadic, and eventful to say the least. In the same breath, change can be exhilarating, exciting, growing, enlightening, and… eventful to say the least. Which is all another way to say: change is neutral. It is a “choose your own adventure” of sorts. Having “adventure” be my word of the year has enabled me to view change in a helpful light, by seeing it as the epic adventure it is and can be!
This is the power of Reminder #4—unlocking our ability to see change as the neutral reality it is.
So the question that remains is: how are you going to use it?
“A wise man will be master of his mind
A fool will be it’s slave.” — Publilius Syrus
