CHANGE, A Series - The Experience Of Change
You know those mornings when you wake up and feel like you are stepping into a reality more surreal than the dream you just woke up from… it seems that has been the experience for most folks these days, as events have unfolded the past few weeks. I guess we really are creatures of comfort…
Change isn’t comfortable. In fact, it can often be miserable. It feels like work. It feels like a foreign land. It feels like we are never able to get our bearings straight. It feels like rain when wanting sunshine, heat when wanting a respite, sugar when wanting substance. It’s an uncomfortable place...
But what is it really?
What is change?
Change is different. It is different than what you know, think, or usually experience. It can be seen in many different realms and ways. It can be a change in the likeness of a thing, in the experience of a thing, or in the timing of a thing (or even our perspective of a thing).
Change can be big or small, visible or invisible, shared or isolated, known or unknown, chosen or not chosen. Change can be a lot of things, but the one thing it always is is change. It is always different.
How does change make us feel?
Change is always felt in some way or form. There is never a change that isn’t felt in our experience of it. This is why we can all agree to the beneficial nature of change for producing growth, yet inwardly we resent its presence in our lives when we find ourselves in the middle of change, whether big or small. We forget that change must be felt for it to be change. Even change that is small, slow, and gradual will be felt in small ways over any length of time. An example of this would be body weight. It usually takes a considerable amount of time to either gain or lose weight, but the ramifications of that change is undoubtedly felt given enough time for the change to take place.
Change can make us feel a host of things, but the one thing that is always certain is: change will make you feel something. Common feelings associated with change are: unfamiliarity, discomfort, disassociation, uncertainty, lack of clarity, loss of reality, a loss of identity. Yet there are other feelings as well, such as: newness, awe, wonder, perspective, passion, purpose, motivation, creativity.
Change makes us feel, much deeper than consistency or comfort can. And this is one of the beautiful ways change is helpful, alongside many others.
Why is change helpful?
It makes us feel deeply.
It causes us to question why.
It helps us see reality more clearly.
It pushes us to grow beyond what we know.
It produces strength and resilience that comforts cannot.
It connects us to our shared humanity and unites us for the common good.
It leads us out from our home to the land beyond our safety and security of what we “know.”
Change does all of this and more, and it is essential to our experience of being human and of living life. Life itself is characterized by change. The only thing that isn’t characterized by change is death. Hence many notable quotes about change and what it means to be alive:
“Only death is static; the principle of life is change, and we have many deaths and rebirths to transit if we are to lead meaningful lives.” — James Hollis
“Living structures can only be if they become; they can exist only if they change. Change and growth are inherent qualities of the life process.” — Erich Fromm
Yet, despite change being an essential characteristic of life, we who are alive are all naturally resistant to the very change that shows we are alive:
“It is human nature to resist deep inward change, for such change threatens our sense of personal identity.” — Dallas Willard
This is the seesaw we are collectively experiencing in these unprecedented times with COVID-19. The point isn’t to try and get off the seesaw, but rather to remember what seesaw we are on and to see the beauty found in being on it. This is the importance of helpful reminders.
What reminders do we need?
Now, I am not a psychic and am not all-knowing, so I will not pretend to know what reminder you may need. But what I do know is the accepted wisdom that “that which is most personal is most universal.” So I will share several of the reminders that I have needed most during periods of much change (including this current moment):
Reminder #1: Regardless of how much change we are going through, we can always remain grounded through practicing our daily rhythms or our cornerstone habits that keep our lives in place.
Reminder #2: Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to show and extend more grace to yourself (and others) especially in tumultuous times of change.
Reminder #3: Change causes us to operate out of fear and assumption, but if we want to thrive in uncertain times we must strive to operate out of love and belief.
Reminder #4: Change itself is a neutral reality, what we do with it is the result that can either be good or bad.
Reminder #5: The experience of change is drastically different when in community versus isolation.
Reminder #6: Beauty can be found in all things, if only we would look for it.
In the weeks to come, I will be sharing more thoughts on each of these reminders in a blog post each week as a way of coming alongside each other in these change-filled times.
“Failure isn't fatal, but failure to change might be” — John Wooden
