Self-Awareness: A Powerful Toolkit

Self-Awareness: A Powerful Toolkit

Thane Ringler

Can you imagine trying to build a house without tools?

Sure it's been done before, but not for building what most of us would consider a home (and I'm guessing the home where you are living would be impossible to build without the assistance of tools).

Similarly, developing self-awareness without a handy, dandy toolkit is an intimidating feat. Having a trusted toolkit we can go to in times of need or assistance is a vital part of the journey in growing self-awareness. And now that we have learned a bit of the process, it's time we learn about the tools to help us on our way.

The Primary Tools

In construction, there are tools you use all the time (like a hammer or a screwdriver) and tools you use only occasionally (calipers, inclinometers, etc.). For self-awareness, there are three primary tools: journaling /reflecting, feedback, and meditation.

1) Journaling and Reflecting

One of the simplest and most powerful ways to better understand ourselves, this tool requires only a writing utensil and a piece of paper. Yet, don't let the simplicity fool you into thinking it isn't effective. I've personally learned more about myself through the practice of journaling and reflecting than any of other tools you'll learn about today. When I was competing as a professional golfer I became frustrated in realizing I was often re-learning something about my swing or technique I had previously learned the day before. Once I recognized this, I committed to journaling after each practice session to ingrain the lessons and ensure I would actually make progress the following day. It was a game-changer.

Journaling and reflecting isn't something proven to be effective in my personal experience alone, in fact there is a host of evidence from scientific studies showing the wide-ranging efficacy of this simple but powerful tool:

  • Reduce symptoms of depression before important events (Flinchbaugh, Moore, Chang & May, 2011)

  • Improve your working memory ( First researched by Richards & Gross in 2000, reproduced by Klein in 2002 and Baikie & Wilhelm in 2005)

  • Improve asthma or rheumatoid arthritis in a clinically relevant way, even four months later (Smyth, Stone, Hurewitz & Kaell, 1999)

  • Reduce intrusive thoughts & increase emotional regulation (Davidson et al., 2002)

  • Result in more health-promoting immune responses (Booth & Perie, 2002)

  • Decrease depressive symptoms (Stice, Burton, Bearman & Rohde, 2007)

(and this is just a shortlist!)

My recommendation is to use this tool as a way of discovering yourself—better understanding why you do what you do. This often fits best at the end of the day and could be as simple as taking five minutes to jot down some takeaways or lessons learned from what you experienced that day.

2) Feedback

Each one of us is inherently subjective and surprisingly to how we appear to others in the world. This is why the second primary tool of feedback is so important. Receiving feedback from another human is an objectivity-hack that allows us to gain important insight into what it's like to be on the other side of me or you (which is why I believe a coach can be a powerful resource in anyone’s life).

The beautiful thing about this tool is (once again) the accessibility of it. All you need is another human being and you are able to access feedback! Although this tool is readily available for our use, it seems to be one of the most under-utilized tools in the toolkit... why is that?

For all of us, feedback often goes unused because we fear what might be shared. We are afraid of hearing what it's really like on the other side of us. We like the self-delusions we hold dear and we don't want to be shocked into seeing a different (and often less pleasant) view of ourself. Simply put, it is scary to be critiqued, or even worse, criticized. It opens us up to being judged. These are things we avoid at all costs; these are experiences that no human naturally enjoys. So there’s discomfort that stands in our way, there’s fear, and there is also the status quo—most people don’t ask for it. And, beyond those who don’t ask for it, there is a large portion of people who simply don’t want it.

The beautiful thing that happens when we embrace this process of growth and begin inviting feedback into our lives is that we slowly but surely begin to realize that there is nothing to fear—that the process of feedback isn’t harmful but rather helpful. That by bringing in another human into our thoughts, process, or interactions, we are able to see more clearly—which is better for us and for those who surround us in our lives. It’s a win-win, and that result trumps all discomfort that the moment of inviting feedback may bring.

What can this process unlock? There really isn’t a limit to what feedback can bring. It will always broaden our perspective (2 is greater than 1). It will always help us process better (vocalizing and interacting with the idea in the real world vs. the imaginary world of our mind). It will always lead to living with greater integrity, more attached and aligned to the vision for our work and the mission for our life. Introducing feedback into our lives unlocks a lot for our growth and potential.

My recommendation is to start with a trusted confidant or friend and ask them the question: “what is it like to be on the other side of me?” This will get you started on the journey of inviting feedback into our life as a tool for growth in self-awareness.

(This tool pairs well with the Understanding phase of the process.)

3) Meditation

If you thought the previous two tools were accessible, this third tool takes the cake. The only thing you need to access mediation is: space.

Meditation is a word that has become trendy and widely used, but rarely do we have a clear idea of what it means (and it can mean a wide range of different things). What I am referring to is simply the practice of being, of quieting the mind, stilling the body, and settling into the present moment. This is often referred to as mindfulness meditation.

With the recent increase in cultural and social dialogue around health and wellness, meditation has become much more of a mainstream idea or practice. More and more people are having their eyes opened to the beauty its practice can bring (myself included!). Yet, even with increased awareness and knowledge surrounding the practice of meditation, it seems that most people still are not consistently incorporating it into their lives (far too often true of me as well). Why is this? What keeps us from instilling a practice that has so much potential benefit and so little downside (if any)?

Here are common obstacles I’ve faced, and I’m sure you can relate to some if not all of these:

— Too many tasks or goals I want to achieve
— Feels unproductive to just sit and do nothing
— Feels like I’m not accomplishing anything
— It’s hard to see any tangible signs of progress
— Most people don’t do it and they all seem fine
— Meditation sounds and feels a little “woo-woo”
— There are so many types and forms of it, I just get confused, lost, and then I give up
or,
— I simply just don’t believe in it

To help with unbelief, here is a shortlist of the growing body of research surrounding the efficacy of meditation:

So what does it look like? How do I engage in the practice? What does a meditation practice even entail?

To be honest, meditation is a fancy word that simply means: just being. Simply being. Nothing else! So, at its core, what meditation looks like is 1) eliminating activity or distraction, 2) finding a comfortable position (preferably seated), and 3) sitting/staying in the moment focusing on a simple, grounding prompt (typically your breath). The practice of meditation is the practice of returning to the present moment. Anytime we sit and meditate, our “monkey mind” will wander, drifting into tasks, our to-do list, recent memories, random ideas, or the random noises or disturbances that fill our daily lives. The practice—the work—of meditation is the return to the moment, the here and now, removing distractions within our internal state of being.

This is incredibly simple, but simple never means easy. In fact, I would argue that the practice of meditation and being fully present is one of the hardest states to acquire! And, more importantly, it is a powerful stimulant for growth in self-awareness.

(This tool pairs well with all phases of the process!)

Secondary Tools + Parallel Skills

Beyond the powerful primary tools, there are a host of secondary tools that contribute to our growth in knowing ourself, as well as parallel skills that aid us as well.

Secondary Tools:

— Traveling
— Reading
— Listening to podcasts / Watching movies and documentaries
— Seeking out opposing voices or ideas
— Challenging yourself / seeking discomfort
— Personality tests and tools (such as the 5 Voices)
— Recording yourself and watching or listening 

Parallel skills:

— focus
— discipline
— priming
— curation
— curiosity
— knowledge

While I don't have space here to share more on how the secondary tools and parallel skills amplify our growth in self-awareness, I'm sure you can deduce much of that on your own.

Ultimately, awareness is a daily opportunity that is accessible to us all. In knowing the process and the tools that help us forward, we are left with no excuses but to grow! As always, if it is meant to be then it is up to you and me. We have to individual decide it is worth it to grow in the practice of self-awareness, and then we have to back up that decision with action. It's as simple (and hard) as that.

If you are looking for a pre-paved road to travel on, this was made for you.

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