Self-Awareness: The Normal Version
This is the beginning of series of posts on the idea and practice of: self-awareness. While this is a trendy subject-matter, it seems like very few people really understand what self-awareness is and how to make tangible progress in it. I'm here to share my perspective on self-awareness and hopefully empower you to believe in its value while understanding the simple steps you can take to grow in your own awareness of yourself. If you want a more in-depth analysis of both the process and the tools, consider joining the 8-week online class I offer through Self-Leadership Academy — 201: Growing Self-Awareness. It'd be an honor to walk alongside you there.
The Guru
We've all met that person before... they are unabashedly superior, peering down from their throne, inputting nuggets of sage advice, prompting us with their profundity while acting surprised we don't already know the capital-T truth they are relaying to us. Yes, this is the infamous guru... and technology has made gurus out of all of us.
This is not a blog post about guru's, but I do think the idea of guru is central to the core of what this post and this series is about: self-awareness.
You see, I think the mental picture or idea we hold in our head when we hear the term "awareness" or "self-awareness" is this picture of a Tibetan Monk sitting cross-legged in his robes on a mystical mountaintop experiencing levitation as a result of his enlightened and ultra-aware state of being. There is an instinctual association we have with gurus and awareness.
This mystical, theoretical, fanciful, and almost magical representation instantly leads us to conclude: "Oh I will never be there," or, "I just won't/can't be like that," "it's just not in the cards for me."
Is that really true? Or are we looking at the idea of self-awareness in the wrong way?
A More Realistic Outlook
If we make a lateral jump into the world of golf, there's an illustration that might be helpful for us. If someone was just getting started in the game of golf and had the lofty goal of becoming "the next Tiger Woods," they may last one or two months before moving onto other sports, hobbies, or pursuits. No one can just decide to become the next Tiger Woods in golf or fill-in-the-blank-GOAT in any other pursuit or endeavor. This is simply an unrealistic outlook on what is possible.
In golf, especially early on, the focus must be on getting a better understanding of the game, acquiring an initial feel for the standard clubs and common shots, as well as practicing good fundamentals and forming the muscle memory needed to be able to make repeatable swings. Those are all goals that are attainable in the first phase of development. Yet, all of these goals can be corrupted if they are pursued in light of the long-term goal of becoming "the next Tiger Woods."
(Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for dreaming big. But if you are already in your 20's or beyond, that dream is a ship that has long-since sailed. And there's a reason why so few people enter into the runnings for the greatest player of all time (in any sport), it takes extreme sacrifice, the right opportunities, the right people supporting you, and immense natural giftings and abilities.)
What would be a more helpful goal to have? For the majority of people who are not aspiring to compete in the game of golf, the best goal to have is: simply have fun. With this goal in mind, the right steps will be taken, in the right proportion, and there will be longevity to the pursuit (meaning: you will probably enjoy the sport for a long time).
As we see from this illustration, when we consider pursuing a new sport or hobby, creating a new skill, or forming a new habit, we must ask ourself: 1) What is possible? And, 2) What is the goal?
Making Self-Awareness Approachable
If so many of our self-imposed limitations stem from unrealistic expectations, then how does that apply to self-awareness? How can we approach self-awareness in a reasonable way?
The first question to ask is: What is possible?
In the realm of self-awareness, it may be possible to become the picture of the Tibetan Monk who embodies enlightenment and is as close to levitating as is humanly possible, yet, that is highly unlikely. What is much more possible for the majority of us is to gain a working knowledge of ourself that continues to grow incrementally throughout our entire lives, impacting every area of our life including our work and our relationships.
The next question to ask is: What is the goal?
I don't believe the goal should be the unattainable, enlightened guru (a goal that is even less desirable after seeing what is produced through fake-gurus). I do believe the goal should be to better understand ourself so that we can better lead ourself.
My favorite quote on this is from Chris Heuertz who said:
"If you can’t self-observe you can’t self-correct.”
That is the goal: to be able to observe ourselves accurately and objectively in order to steer ourselves and make the necessary corrections to lead ourselves well, in our daily lives.
What I think is beautiful about that goal is that not only is it possible for most humans, it is also attainable for most of us too!
The Normal Version
Self-awareness isn't some state of perfection acquired only by the enlightened gurus. It isn't some mystical, fanciful, magical experience. It is simply: knowing yourself well enough that you can lead yourself down the path that is best for you, and, more importantly, best for those around you.
Self-awareness revolves around the idea of integrity: of being the person you say you are or the person you are striving to be. It's aligning our conscious view of our "self" with our subconscious reality often producing the actions we take throughout our days. By bringing the conscious and subconscious realities more into alignment, we produce greater health within ourselves by living out of greater integrity throughout our days.
This is the normal version of self-awareness. It isn't "woo-woo," it isn't pseudo-science, it isn't a placebo (even though placebos are very powerful - see Dr. Joe Dispenza's book: "You Are The Placebo"), it's simply a process of becoming more objective in how we see ourselves--both our thoughts and our actions.
And what it really is, is transformation, not through an overnight encounter or experience, but through the consistent, slow, plodding forward on the path of growth in becoming a better leader of self. It will inevitably take time and effort, but it is worth the investment and you will reap the dividends in all facets of your life.
While this has been more of a theoretical unpacking of the outlook needed to embrace the work of self-awareness, I will be sharing the simple, tangible, and logical steps to take, providing both the process and the tools used for refinement and growth.
For now, know that growth in self-awareness is possible, and it is attainable, and it is... worth it.
